Guest Post: Six Reasons All Women Should Know God is a Man by Ann Currie

Six Reasons All Women Should Know God is a Man

by Ann Currie-author of Sterling Silver and Dollar Stores

If I am known for anything it is my odd sense of humor. Perhaps I have a warped way of looking at the world. Take God for instance. I am not a religious sort, but for the sake of this argument that fact really doesn't matter.  Everyone assumes God is a man. I know for a fact God is a man. Only someone male would ever question the gender of God. And, it is not that the rest of us fear to ask, we all know. I give you six serious reasons why any woman in her good mind should doubt God is a man. Ponder these for a moment.
# 6 – Duct Tape. 
Men truly believe that duct tape possesses spiritual powers that allow it to fix almost anything. And, more than that, they see those silver streaks as a badge of honor. That says to another man, "Yes, I fixed this myself. I did not need a professional. I am above professionals; I am a true do-it-yourself-er." Meanwhile women look at strips of duct tape plastered on something and, "Not only does he not know how to fix it, he doesn't have a clue, and God forbid he call someone who does," is what goes through their mind. Men, let me tell you, contrary to what you think, when a lady sees that you have repaired that tear in your sofa with duct tape, that does not equate you to the "strong silent type" women so badly want to be with.

#5 – Boys and Their Toys. 
A woman may go out and buy a car - anything from a mini-van, bless her heart, to a cross over vehicle, to a sports car. Men are going to go buy themselves a truck. Not that they need a truck, but they may need one sometime in the future. (There is always a chance the subdivision will revert back to a farm -who knows?) And, it will have all the bells and whistles the dealership offers. He will be prepared for Armageddon or to show Bob down the block his truck has more gadgets - whichever comes first. Hopefully the later.
          As far as I'm concerned, unless you are building a house or redoing the engine in your car (and then, only when you know what you are doing), a hammer, an allen wrench, a pair of pliers, a good hack saw, an electric screw driver (with a complete set of bits), and a set of needle nose pliers is about all one needs in a tool box. Besides, chances are there is a local hardware store right around the corner to purchase that ONE other item you might need for that specific project you are working on.
If you cannot tell me the name of every tool and attachment you have in your fancy tool box, exactly the purpose of each, and show me how it works, perhaps you have no business with it.

#4 – Men never pick up their things and put them away. 
Now one would think that the simple lesson we learned at age one of neatly combining a mess of 7 boxes into 1 neat container would stick. Ah, but grasshopper, you would be wrong. Whereas women are instinctively drawn to the habit of "nesting" their dirty clothes in a hamper, or their dirty dishes in a dishwasher, men failed to grasp this concept early on.
A man can walk through a bedroom, across the floor strewn with yesterday's clothes left just as he dropped them the night before, and fail to notice the trail of litter dotting the surface. They never feel the sense of urgency to pick them up and put them away. A woman, on the other hand, will wait until there is no longer a path through the abandoned apparel, having given the man plenty of opportunity to put his clothes away and, only then, take it upon her to clean up the mess.
Placing dirty dishes in a kitchen sink is a man's idea of "cleaning up". Since we have long given up on the arrival of the Housekeeping Fairy, reality tells us that one must scrape the residual matter from the plates into the trash, rinse the plates, and then place them in the dishwasher.
Oh and when a man asks if the dishwasher is "Clean or Dirty", why do they always assume if the answer is "Dirty", that means we are saying, "Please step away from the machine, I'll empty it." God forbid they take it upon themselves to empty the dishwasher. Oh, but then again, what am I thinking? God's a man, so I guess he did.
#3 – Men are clueless when it comes to women and their feelings. 
"What Did I Do?" If God were a woman, then your husband, male partner, male significant other, whatever, would know. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know what he has done to upset you without your having to tell him. Men walk around like we are an emotional Rubik’s Cube. Hint: If it made us mad last week, chances are we are still upset about it this week unless (1) you've apologized, (2) it has been fixed, and (3) you admitted you were wrong. Chances are these remedies have been few and far between. But, we can always  hope for the trifecta, which means that perhaps, maybe, you are catching on when you realized what you did was wrong quickly after you did it, went to great lengths to undo whatever you did (or did not do), and offered a heartfelt apology. Probably not, but we can always hope.
And, another word to the wise, when you ask, "What did I do?” trust me; you do not want an answer, because that shows just how clueless you are. You would think Mother Nature could have offered God some direction in this area. But, then God being a man wouldn't have asked for directions, would he?

#2 – There is no true universal remote control. 
We can send a man to the Moon, a mission to Mars, and unravel the mystery of DNA, yet, even though we conceived of, developed, and built the television; we have yet to produce a true Universal Remote. Now, I mean one contraption you can hold in your hand, that anyone of sound mind and not needing to be a member of Mensa, can operate easily. If it is out there, I have yet to see it. And, my husband has brought home many so called "Universal" remotes. All I can say is someone else's definition of "Universal Remote" is not mine.

And, the number #1 reason you should ever question that God is a man: childbirth.
If God were a woman, trust me, she would have spread the “fun” of nine months of gestation, swollen ankles, and six hours of painful labor among all of mankind not just those without the Y chromosome. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.